A modest proposal on preventing the poor people of Central America from becoming a burden to the United States of America
It is sad to walk through the urban areas of this great country, and see the streets crowded with illegal immigrants surviving off of the public purse. Mothers, instead of being able to work for an honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in attempting to find government aid for their children who, as they grow up, either become thieves, rapists or members of MS-13.
I think we all agree, that this is a deplorable state of the country and a great burden to every citizen; and therefore whoever could find out a fair, cheap and easy method of making these children sound and useful members of society would be lauded for their efforts.
But this problem is compounded to a much greater extent, to infants who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them. Likewise, we all know that we need to prevent voluntary abortions.
With close to 400 million people in this country, and with about 100 million of them of child-bearing age and intent, there may be only 40 million who are actually able to stand on their own two feet and support the children that they produce. So we need to ask: How should the children born by parents who cannot independently support their rearing be sustained? We cannot, by law employ them in handicraft or agriculture, we cannot build houses for them, they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing till they are at least six years old.
I shall now therefore humbly make my proposal.
The current administrators in our government, overrun by the invasion of immigrants, the rapid multiplying of these people’s children and the burden on our purse, have informed us that the best path forward is to discourage the immigrants from approaching our border. Thus they have allowed, actually encouraged, the free press of this country to document and publicize the conditions under which immigrants can expect to “live” when they enter this country. They have also studied and decided that the best protection for all of us is to create a barrier, insurmountable and permanent along our southern border that will prevent these immigrants from coming into this country.
We are confronted with a dilemma - that the construction of a wall, 20’ high and 15’ below the surface of the land will be extremely expensive, take probably a decade to install and at least has the potential of being vulnerable to 22’ ladders, tunnels and battering rams. To solve a problem composed by the costs of taking care of illegal entrants into this country with the expenditure of large amounts of funds seems to be using the money one place instead of another. And we agree that we simply cannot afford the expenditure.
I have also been told that the number of people necessary to build this wall will be so large as to reduce the necessary work force for the construction of homes, highways and public facilities so important to the happiness of the citizen public. In a time of low unemployment where are we to acquire such a work force? Where can we house them, feed them, remove their excrements and trash? This is not a productive use of our people, who should not be forced to leave their families and reside in tents in oppressive heat with little creature comforts, only in order to build a barrier designed to keep murderers and rapists out of this country.
So I propose that, rather than spend the sums of money and the time to build this wall, that we simply mine the border.
This will accomplish multiple advantages of the current thinking.
First, we can mine the entire border in under one year. This will allow us to accomplish the barrier in the most efficient manner possible.
Second, we already have a stockpile of mines, and the production of more will allow good, productive employment for citizens in their own hometowns. They will not need to be migrated to an inhospitable place, far from their friends and families, for extended periods of time.
Third, a mined border will be far more effective than a wall since it is far more difficult to breach and much easier to repair when such a breach has occurred (successful or unsuccessful). I am assured by those who study these things that these mines are very effective, difficult to find and can last for many, many years with no maintenance or repairs.
Finally, a mined border will be a far greater discouragement to potential invaders than a wall. Seeing their associates destroyed while attempting to enter this country will have a dramatic and lasting affect not only on those that see it, but on those that hear about it. The news media will clearly be an instrument by which the events can be publicized. Those who dared to try to cross our border and suffered the consequences will be photographed and documented so that others with similar ideas will think twice before trying to enter our country.
I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance. For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of MS-13 gang members with whom we are being over-run, one of our most dangerous enemies, whose purpose with is to deliver this country to foreigners, hoping to take their advantage by breeding their offspring at rates far greater than the good citizens of this country.
Whereas the maintenance of 5 million children, from two years old, and upwards, cannot be computed at less than $20,000 per year, the nation's stock will be thereby increased by over $100 billion a year, and the money will circulate among our selves, the goods being entirely for our own growth and manufacture.
Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, those illegal immigrants who have been removed from our country will find it virtually impossible to reenter, freeing up our resources as we will not need to patrol these mined borders.
We will demonstrate to the world that at least once, the USA is direct, strong and determined to protect its citizens from the ravages and infestations of invaders from our south.
We will also preserve the internal security of our country. No longer will criminals be able to avoid our law enforcement agencies by skipping the country to the south.
We will also preserve the beauty of our southern border. With mines, there will be no visual impediment to the scenic vistas along the border.
Our congress will no longer have to debate what to do with the immigration issue, as it will be decisively decided. They will be advantaged with large amounts of time to do the work of this country rather than the distractions of the border. The elimination of this politically-charged issue will allow a new era of joint purpose that will provide this country with a new age of enlightenment and growth.
Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of expedients, without a better solution and that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice. But, for me, weary from many years offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and realizing no success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal. After all, I am not so taken with my own opinion, as to reject any offer, proposed by other wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual.
But before offering a better solution, please consider two points.
First, As things now stand, how can we find food and clothing for 5 million useless mouths and backs. And secondly, how can our government and ourselves look to the millions of legal citizens who are desperately in need and ask them to suffer in order to divert funds to support these criminals?
I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I neither know, employ or are friends to any undocumented, illegal immigrant.